What is a friend?

How do you label people? Who is a friend, and acquaintance, a stranger, a best friend...? What if they are someone you love but you are far away and never even get a chance to talk? Is that person still a best friend? What about the person you have known your entire life and whose path has crossed yours many times over the years, yet you are so different and so alike at the same time. What if it is someone you were close to but no longer speak. Do you still consider them a friend? If something terrible happens to someone you haven't spoken to in a year, are you still entitled to mourn for them?

I have been having a hard time dealing with this lately. A friend of mine, one of those that I grew up with but we had a falling out and haven't talked to in almost a year, lost her baby last week. her sweet little 3 week old baby. There are a lot of what ifs and hows and whys being asked right now about this sweet little angel babies life, but all I can do is mourn. I am so sad for the mom and family of this baby, but even more so I am so sad and angry for this baby and the fact that her life was cut so short. I am angry and hurt that this child was not protected. I am angry that I cannot just help this mom mourn because I feel there might be more to the story. And I am so angry/sad/overwhelmed that this has happened. Every time I look at my own little children I realize how precious life is. It could end at any moment. It is scary.

There is a part of me that wants to shelter my children now. I have never been the biggest on overly childproofing or being overly protective of my children (my youngest has been climbing ladders and going down the largest slides since 12 months old.) But suddenly i do not want them out of my sight. I do not want anything bad to happen to them. I have realize though, this is not a life I want to live. One of fear. instead I am making the conscious decision to be more involved in the moment. Play more with my kids. No more, oh just hold on a moment, facebook is more important. No more dealing with others drama and taking away from my own family. Time is precious. I have decided that I am going to spend my time, each and every moment, consumed with my life, my family and my children. That is the best way I can protect them and myself. If anything happens I want to be able to sleep at night knowing I am happy with the time spent and to not have regrets. 

I sure hope this helps me mourn this angel baby, because there has been a dark, sad spot in my heart for someone who I cannot express this to. For a mom who actually hates me and there is no way I can give my condolences.